My Sister: A Human "Success" Story

My summer before college was very relaxed, as is for many middle-class pre-college individuals, but as summer came to a close, I had to make the single most important decision of my life: What do I want to do? Of course now, I should have just laughed off anybody who asked me that question, but dwelling on that isn't the purpose of this entry. After careful consideration of what the course of the rest of my life would be, I came to an answer in the span of half of a summer: I want to be a doctor.

I was in honors math and science in high school, so I thought I could handle the mental requirements, and the idea of helping people for a living would have definitely given life some purpose. But not too long into my college career, I had my doubts.

Slowly my math and science classes were slowly seeming less interesting. My performance wasn't near top of my class, which helped me understand my enjoyment for science, in high school, was really an enjoyment of winning. I started to rethink the whole doctor thing.

Was I walking this path because everyone wants me too? No one can deny the social status given to a doctor. I also began to rethink the value of the doctor's paycheck, and the little impact it would really have on my happiness.

With all of those reasons considered, all of those reasons why I shouldn't be a doctor, I began to doubt myself. Could I trust myself to handle the lives of thousands of ill people? I think that's a question all aspiring doctors, as well as nurses, should consider. Do I have the drive and capability to keep people from dying? The reason I'm writing this today, is because I'm beginning to doubt my sister.

First of all, my sister, who did earn exceptional grades in college, isn't necessarily exceptionally intelligent. And although hard work can go a long way, it can't make you Einstein. Nor can it make everyone a doctor. And that's one of the often unspoken truths of life, that each persons capabilities exist on an unequal plane, and that we can only truly put our trust in our work ethic. So do I think my sister is smart enough to be a doctor. Maybe.

I say maybe because I think if she wants it enough, she might be able to become a successful doctor, and by successful, I mean having the capability to save lives. Unfortunately, I don't think her wants are in the right place.

If there is only one thing I positively know about my sister's aspiration for the pre-nominal "Dr." on her name, it is simply that and that only. I firmly believe her sights aren't on helping people, but simply on being recognized for helping people. She wants the prestige, not the work. I question her outlook on humanity itself, obviously one developed from an unsophisticated contemplation of genetics and its impact on "our purpose." In that, she believes, we have none but to procreate only the best genes, and the lives of the rest are unsubstantial. That's the mindset of a soon to be doctor.

Not to Sound Like a Pussy, But I need a Break

Two more days. Two more days till freedom.

The winter/spring semester is coming to a close, and although I always regret ending the classes I enjoy, this particular semester needs to end.

Almost two months ago I caused one of the biggest mental breakdowns I've had in a while. I think I'm passed needing to describe the event--I will only say it involved alcohol and I don't remember much of it--but I will admit I'm far from recovering.

I strongly believe the culprit to my recovery delay is school, who has laid a heavy burden on me, not because by itself it's difficult, but combined with some of my issues, I'm finding it increasingly hard to find motivation. I have so many internal struggles, I can barely reflect upon myself because I can't even decide who I am anymore. Sometimes I doubt what I want, which makes obtaining those wants increasingly difficult. Basically what I want, is time. Time to read, time to write, time to work, time to push aside deadlines and loosen some knots. I just need time.

I just hope I have enough time.

My Lady

My lost lady,
where are you to be found?
I left you where I thought you to be safe,
only to be left with the space you once filled,
only to be left without the chance of goodbye,
only to be left with memories of cherished past.
My perfect lady,
will I ever be with you again?
Will I ever gaze upon your symmetrical beauty?
Will I ever embrace the comfort of your touch?
Will I ever smell that sweet smell only I know so well,
and only I, who know it as you, my flower lady?
My helpless lady,
what have they done with you?
Are you being treated with care,
I fear otherwise.
Are you being stripped of your belongings,
your vitality?
I pray, at the most, you're merely helping another,
and I pray you'll hold strong,
and not left to disrespectful hands of yet another.
My neglected lady,
Was this of my doing?
I feel locked by guilt,
and holding the key are the memories of recent neglect,
of minimal time together during late months passed,
because I kept relying on you, yet stopped respecting you,
and left you often to the scheming, prying eyes of others.
Others who desired your company as often as I once did.

And now you are gone, and I am alone.
My ever, ever so needed lady.

A Dliemna

I thought I'd take the time off from studying to discuss my current dilemna, which is related to my upcoming final exams.

I only have three final exams this semester, as I only have three classes--which is a different story itself--and these finals will be taken on next week monday and tuesday. The exams alone, however, aren not the problem. The real problem is Saturday. The reason for which is, on this coming Saturday, my sister's college graduation will be taking place at Western Michigan. Consequently, the dilemna I'm facing is: go to the graduation and try to study on the ride to campus, and during any other time I'm free there, or stay home and study in the way I'll be most productive. If I were fully confident that I could pull off the former effectively, I'd be up there even if she begged me not to. Contrary to what many would believe, it is within my self-interest to witness the ceremony first-hand, but unfortunately my studies take priority.

Aside from my little brother, who isn't of much importance because he seldom offers differing views from my own, my family has, on numerous occasions, described the importance of being at this ceremony, and think it is within my limitations to do well on my upcoming exams as well as attend the ceremony. Unfortunately, as much as I'd like to think my family has a grasp on who I am, their grip on that subject is very loose (once again, aside from my little brother), which, I stress, is not to say I'm a very complex or often "misunderstood" individual. Because they think I can manage this dilemna so that the outcome favors both sides, they believe my notions of denying that solution's certainty is simply showing a lack of care for my sister through excuses.

Time is running short, unfortunately, so with the hope of at least having a mutual understanding of my concerns within my family, arguing this subject is not an option. Now the decision, disregarding approval, is solely upon me, so I've attempted to deconstruct this dilemna, defining it into the model of conflict of self-interests. My sister's self-interest, for a number of reasons which will in a moment become relavent, is having me attend her graduation ceremony. My self-interest is unattending the ceremony so, what I feel, will allow me to utilize the time for a necessary full day of studying. I've attempted to take these two self-interests, and stepped away to analyze them from an unbiased perspective.

The two self-interests, which I will label as A and B, with the former being A, and the latter being B, must now be weighed on a scale of importance, as I've decided that the attempt of satisfying both will most likely only satisfy A.

The satisfying of A, of course in my opinion, is simply fulfilling a need of feeling equal, or more likely important, because it displays one individuals self-interest as witnessing an event which is glorifying said individual. This feeling of being equal or important can create, among many other things, the idea of having a higher status in the dominance hierarchy, which can lead to new behavior which can possibly raise the "fitness" of the individual in nature.

The satisfying of B is fulfilling one of many similar goals, which will allow the individual to continue on with one of his or her more apparant, and ultimate self-interest, namely the individuals role he or she has decided will most effectively suit him or her in nature.

Both A and B seem to fulfil common needs, the question however, is the relative importance of each. As of now I'm thinking that B is more important, because the interest being fulfilled seems to cover a rather broad interest, which will ultimately fulfil more interests of the individual, but I must also take into the account the interests of others outside the two said individuals. Hopefully, for times sake, a conclusion will come soon.

I'm going to estimate that for approximately a year I've been trying to rid myself of the emotions that intentionally bring attention upon myslef. Wheter these emoitions are simply displaying my emotions of a recent event that is populoar amongst the majority, I'm honestly making an attempt to hopefully make a change to those within my family who I feel may require a reconstruction of their emotinal needs. Obviously this ideal sounds pretentious, but I feel I need a change to make the change which I feel most Americans need. Updates will come eventually... including one that involves the mid-term elections. As youn can guess, sobriety is not trait I'm expieriancing at them moment.

Apology. Change. Promise.

Dear Blog,

I realize I've neglected you for which seems to be an eternity, and I know we can never re-kindle the time lost, but I would be pleased if you will believe me when I say any future posts will be from a more respectable, self-reflecting individual.

I'd say it's been approximately one month since I've honestly been striving to be a better, or even good individual. For I'd say a little over the past year, and maybe toned down versions through other periods of my life, I've been a self-hating, envious, lazy burden to everyone who even had minor relations with me. Too often was I caught in an aggravated emotional state conjured by observation of others, many of which undeserving of it, yet I never dedicated time to understand why I seemed to contain this constant aggravation. Although I've decided many reasons stemmed from my behavior, the biggest player in the equation was my own self-hatred (a bet you didn't guess that one). Rather than improving my own self, I found it easier to vent my frustration upon others, and after time it became habitual.

As I've been writing to you I've been trying to remember exactly when I began this self-reflective behavior, and I believe now I've pinpointed it. I'd say a little over a month ago I was engaged in some thought about select people I was familiar with. All of these people seemingly possessed traits which I found to be highly admirable. Traits which included humility, ambition not drived solely by self-interest, and a respect for individuals even when some seemed undeserving of it. This began a series of thought which has changed my indefinitely.

Following those thoughts I spent many hours reflecting upon myself. I tried to answer questions about what kind of person I currently was and what kind of person I wanted to be. I tied in to those questions my fondness with the personality traits described above, and I proceeded to other questions. I began questioning what I believed my role is in this world, my morals, my self-intersts, everything I could think of about myself came into question, and ultimately every time I had to decide what fell into the realm of being a "good person."

Obviously the question remains, "What is a good person?" That was also among another question I had to solve. The conclusion I've come to, as of now, seems simple, yet a bit hard to explain concisely. My main goal is to simply aid in the bettering (it's probably frustrating with the unclear terms I'm using but it's the best I can do) of the world. The ways of which I'd like to help are still under questioning, as I'm a bit wary of implicating ideas which are heavily devloped from my own morals, but some basic principles like showing a basic kindness and respect for others are ones that I'm currently trying to practice.

10 Reasons Why My Sister Is A Burden To Us All.

1) She bitches about a lack of money, yet she has no job.
2) She is offered a high-paying job which she can choose her own hours, yet she doesn't accept it.
3) My parents gave her a 2000 Ford Explorer, fully loaded, which she has put through two accidents, and is currently over her oil change by a little over 2000 miles.
4) She has her own apartment which she doesn't pay for.
5) She goes to college away from home, has failed a few classes in the past, and my parents havn't seen a dime of contribution from her, not even an offer.
6) It's not uncommon for her to use my parents check cards and not pay her back.
7) Not only does she steal money from my parents, often she "borrows" money from my parents and never returns the payment.
8) She once acummulated a 1000 dollar phone bill, in a single month, on our home phone due to long distance calling, which she promised to pay back, but in actuallity she only payed back 100.
9) She owns a cell phone which my parents help her pay for.
10) She's a selfish ungrateful bitch.

Some People Got to Have It.

I think I've finally have come to terms with the fact Coke won't last much longer. So the question is, what do I do afterwards? I could go back to making a little above minimum wage, but I think there's more money out there, I just have to figure out how to get my hands on it.

This mindset I've recently developed is built by different reasons, but firmly rooted with Coke. The hefty income (for me at least) I've been receiving lately has fixated my eyes on a few prizes (of which I choose is still uncertain), but if I don't keep up a reasonable income after Coke, those prizes will quickly slip away.

So if everything goes how I plan with Coke, I have a little over two months of scheming for a new source of income. My current plan is real estate.

Haiku.

Boredom grips me tight

Distress clouds my thoughts

A dire union


Ugh, that's dreadful. Well at least I tried.

No clever title today. Just a simple FUCK COKE.

You might want to give me a second so I can dust off the cob webs... Okay all set. I havn't had a new post in some time now, and the reason for which is not because I have no readers (I don't know a single sole that uses Blogger.com, but I despise MySpace and I find a Blog more useful then a LiveJournal), but because my life is boring. I work full time at Coke, and make good money doing so, but the catch is I must sacrifice any social life. I get two days off a week between Monday and Thursday and I work late on the weekends (I often don't get home till about 1 on Fridays and Saturdays), so if you have any suggestions on what I could be doing on those days I'm open for your input.

The question now is why am I making a post if all I'm going to discuss is my boring ass life? Well my boring ass life has pushed me a bit over the edge today so I need to vent a bit.

Yesterday I went out to eat on my break and I got a girls number (something you won't find me doing very often, which is probably why she was actually the one who asked me for my number), which ran me through (in my head) a plethora of situations that would end poorly in my favor. The most apparant would be something working out with this girl, but me never having time to hang out with her. I get two weekdays off a week, which are random, and since she works I'll have to hope I get time off that fits with her schedule. But since I don't do much else I'll still enjoy the small amount of time I spend with her, but unfortunately she probably won't. She'll get fed up with it fairly quickly and call it quits, leaving me once again with Coke and no life. Now before I say my goodbyes I'd like to rewind for a moment and discuss getting this girls number, which really stressed me out today (I don't know why since it shouldn't be a big deal. It's probably because it was a possible change to my "exciting" life).

So let me lay out the scenario (one of a few that I've played out in my head) that's been bugging me. A young man who works full time (which she knew... because the young man told her) goes out to eat by himself and is waited on by a young woman who goes to a fairly expensive private college. This young man probably doesn't have much time to do the many activities most young men perform since he often works late, which the young woman assumed. The young woman becomes a tad flirtatious and trades a few smiles and laughs with the young man. The young woman, one who works during the summer before going back to her expensive private college, sees an opportunity to get an extra buck or two from the young man, and proceeds to ask for his number (a bit cleverly I might add). The young man suggests she just give him her number. She agrees but tries to stall by saying she isn't allowed to do this. She quickly realizes the young man isn't going to offer up his number and before seeming suspicious the young woman proceeds to write down her number, not realizing till after she handed her number to the young man it was her number, and not a fake. The young man says his goodbyes and proceeds to pay his bill, giving the young woman that extra buck or two she wanted.

I played that scenario out before I called her with her using a fake number (I found it a bit odd that the girl asked the guy for the number), and after I called the scenario changed. If you havn't figured it out, I called her and she never answered, but I received a voicemail of girl with the correct name, to whom I left a message to, yet I never received a call back.

For now I find the Phantom of the Opera is there, inside my mind...

I figured I'd mention the magnificent display of music and theatre I witnessed last night, The Phantom of the Opera. *cough* fourth row *cough* Oh yea, here's something you can think about. How many dudes do you know that want to see musical theatre, then pay 55 dollars a piece for tickets, then drive two and a half hours to witness the event? Yea, aside from the gay couple sitting down from us it seems we were the only dudes there without dates.

Those Crazy Christian Radicals, What Will They Do Next?

I was browsing the web trying to "figure myself out," (no it has nothing to do with my sexuality... nice try to anyone who wants to take a stab) when I stumbled across a delightful article with a list of quotes from christian extremists. Many of the quotes were needless to say, fucked up, but two of the quotes by a man named Randall Terry stuck out the most.

"I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good... Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called on by God to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."

"When I, or people like me, are running the country, you'd better flee, because we will find you, we will try you, and we'll execute you. I mean every word of it. I will make it part of my mission to see to it that they are tried and executed."

So I goog (whoa, what am I thinking)- so I opened up a search engine and found an interview of Terry about his son coming out. If you're not interested in reading its entirity direct yourself to the last three questions, you'll discover how loving and understanding he is.

Oh yea I almost forgot, he's running for Florida State Senate... Super.

Tensions Rising.

Here's a picture of a few characters depicted in the show South Park, characters who are religous gods or prophets from different beliefs, who congragate to form a Justice League like group to fight "evil." Within that synopsis lies a more interesting aspect: one of the characters is none other than the prophet Muhammed. Hopefully you all know this is the same person that was depicted in 12 caricatures by a Danish newspaper, which resulted in a large violent outburst from the muslim community.

I remembered this episode after watching a brilliant episode they first aired yestarday, and it raised a few questions. When this older episode aired (I would say about five years ago since I believe it was season 5 and its now in its tenth season... damn I'm a loser) the world didn't feel any storms of anger from the Muslim community, not even a breeze. So why this time? I don't believe a statement saying, "Muslims in the U.S. are generally more peaceful" holds its water because I know for a fact South Park is aired all over the world. So I ask again, why this time? Have Muslims become so threatened by the non-Islamic world that violent behavior is just waiting to be released?

I might further dwell on the topic so an addition may be in the future, especially since we're discussing the modern use of Jihad in one of my classes at school.

A Use Does Exist for Romantic Comedies.

For about half of a year now I've been in a bit of a slump. I've been slacking in school, I've been slacking in the kitchen, I've been out of a job and I've gotten waaaaay out of shape. Basically I've been an unmotivated waste on society. During this time I've tried to get back to my old self, but I could never find that flame. Earlier today a spark fortunately lit, and it was all thanks to a romantic comedy film (fucking weird, huh?). Don't ask me why I was watching the flick (boredom I guess), but during about the last 30 seconds while the camera was pulling away a song started playing, a song I've heard in films before, and for some reason it sounded really really good and I wanted to hear more. Immediately I asked my mom "What's the name of that song?" Obviously it was a stupid question since I was probably the only one really listening to it. She responded with an expected, "I have no idea," so I ran upstairs and frantically searched for it. I found the credits for the film and proceeded to receive help from my good friends Bittorrent and Limewire to obtain the songs listed. I went through about five or six songs only to be dissapointed but then I came across a version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (if they would've played the song long enough in the film for me to hear the damn lyrics this would have been a lot easier) and I gave it a quick "click-click". I almost shit pants. "I found it!"

Something about it, I don't even know if can explain (even after listening to it about 30 times), just brought out everything I've been searching for this long while. I think it's the sheer beauty it gives with such simplicity that's putting everything into perspective for me (I'll ellaborate a bit more if I get around to it, but right now I've got other things I really want to do). Whatever it is though I'm not too concerned, all I know is that I feel fucking awesome. I'm seriously going to run 10 miles (more if I wake up early enough) tomorrow morning. God music kicks ass.

I need to get a life.

Lately my daily life has become extraordinarily ritual and it's causing increasingly annoying mental blocks in the creativity department. I've always been more of the left brain analyst (although I am trying to train myself to see things more as a whole) and my current daily life is thickening the shield against inspiration for my next project.

As many of you know I'm the nancy boy baker (mainly cakes), but lately I wouldn't even dare call myself a cake decorator, right now I'm more comfortable with cake maker due to the lack of uniqueness in my latest work. I seem to be missing that element of surprise in my lifestyle which often sparks an artistic thought process, and now I'll walk into the kitchen only to think, "How about later," and later turns to tomorrow, rinse and repeat. To try and keep my interests in the kitchen I figured I'd look for a more technical challenge and replicate the cake to the left, but I know it will only be as effective as a 24 hour cold pill that I'll have to take again the next day, and sooner or later my body will begin to reject it.

As corny as it sounds, maybe I should just spend some time to figure myself out.

Interesting Study.

Well I'm on spring break and I've got nothing to do tonight (aside from playing Guitar Hero but since I've already logged at least 8 hours in the game since my brother picked it up last night, I think I'm going to take a break) so I decided to browse the web for a bit. I was hopping through the message boards when I came across this article which basically demonstrates the power television has in American society. The article is based on a study that shows only 25 percent of Americans can name more than 1 of the 5 freedoms the first ammendment guarantess (I'm going to take a guess and say the other 80 percent said speech) while more than half of the U.S. population can name at least 2 members of the Simpson's family and 22 percent can name all 5. The accuracy of these studies might not be perfect, but we're given a general idea and a believable one at that.

I myself rarely watch the Simpsons and I can name all 5 members with no trouble yet I have to pause for a moment to recollect the freedoms given from the first ammendment (petition for redress of grievances always gets me), and the only reason I remember them is because not too long ago I was a sophomore in high school taking American Government. This definitely demonstrates how spoiled we are compared to many underdeveloped nations that we show no care for the freedoms we take for granted (and I myself often fall into this category *gasp*).

Now you definitely can't point your finger at schools for statisitics like these because I think it's fair to say 80 percent of the U.S. population doesn't consist of the youth. I'm going to though, give the benefit of the doubt and believe everyone recognizes these freedoms yet only has trouble remembering which ammendment grants them, but if that's not the case its an issue if people don't recognize important rights such as freedom of assembly in a time of many international affairs that are costing people their lives, while we have a president (I'll give you a hint, it starts with a b and its synonym is dumbass) that deals with them in questionable manners.

My Critique's Which Will Undoubtebly Save Your Grade

I don't think I'm going to go too far into detail with the two essays I read (now that I'm finished I realize that's a complete bullshit statement), but there are a few things I'd like to bring up.

Transportation:

Before I get into the main problem I want to talk about, I want to let you know what I'm going to say is purely from an objective standpoint because its probably going to be pretty hard not to take offense (but you might not since our paper is definitly lacking in, well a lot). Basically my biggest complaint was that your argument wasn't very apparant.

I'm not quite sure if you're main argument is about how different forms of transportation set in certain areas segregates us (which I would enjoy as it would be interesting), or if you're just discussing different forms of transportation in different areas. I understand having areas where low income is prevelant, lacking in public transportation and simultaneously having high income areas sporting single men driving in SUV's definitely shows some segregation, but I never seemed to receive that explanation clearly in your essay.

The next problem I had with the essay was the lack of examples from the readings. You did manage to mention "so and so's" essay related to what you were explaining, but you never actually gave an example from the essay.

Other than that and some grammar and spelling issues (which is to be expected in a first draft), I really have no other complaints about the essay. You show some fine examples about transportation in the urban, you just need to explain more effectively how it causes segregation, and show some examples from the readings.

Architecture:

Your paper kind of blew. Just messing around (or am I?). I guess I don't have a whole lot to say about your essay, there's really just two things aside from grammar and spelling I'm going to bring up.

In your introductory paragraph you explained how Young's essay produces a solution to both conflicts (I think you should explain Young's essay produces a model for your solution, which is really what's happening), and later you explain Young's model, and since you're in fact giving a solution you need to explain how each part of Young's model relates to your argument, right? Weeeeeell, when you explained how political responsibility "looks forward rather than backward," I wasn't really given any explanation. You're probably saying its pretty self-explanatory, but whenever you want to solve a problem its always a good idea to discuss it as in depth as possible.

I guess it might be me being nit picky, but there is one more thing I'd like to discuss. I noticed within your essay you often jumped between being "politically correct" and not. What I mean is you'd go back and forth between terms like African American and black, and Caucasian and white (although I think Caucasian and white was only in one instance), and to me as the reader, I wasn't spoken to well about the author's character. It seemed you preferred to not be politically correct (which to me is good), but the fact that you couldn't stick to your own beliefs by jumping between the two almost makes the reader not want to listen to your argument. Whether you want to be PC or not, I think its best if you stick to one way.

I guess that's about it for both papers, and even though it looks like I was trying to tear you guys apart I think both groups did pretty solid job. If you've even read this far I'm surprised because I've probably said more than you'd all like to care.

World... You're in Luck.

I've decided to transfer any further insanely genius journal entries from my LiveJournal to this blog (I've found blogs to be a much more solid tool). Don't expect a consistent amount of entries, but I'll attempt to keep the few I compose somewhat interesting (despite many other blogs floating around in the "blogosphere"). On a side note, don't bother recommending Myspace as I thoroughly despise its existence.

Essay Idea

After browsing through the essay once more, I found a quote that sparked my interest. A woman named Margery A. Turner explained how her community has an almost equal ratio of blacks and whites, and sees her county, Prince George's County in Maryland, as an example for integration. The response from a... well an interesting fellow named Radamase Cabrera went like this, "What I reject is this notion we are aiming toward an integrated county. African Americans should be aiming toward an ability to control our own destiny."

The question I would like to discuss is: What is an African American's "own destiny," and why should they push for their own rather than help create a single destiny for all Americans?

This is a bit off topic but I thoroughly enjoyed his usage of the term African American -a ridiculous term in my opinion- and it got me wondering why Mexican's and Canadian's who've immigrated to the U.S. arn't reffered as North Americans. And also, would you call a white person from Africa, such as a South African, who immigrated to the U.S. an African American? I wonder.

Workplaces for the Crayola Enthusiast.

My material artifact is three pieces of paper, each with the word "RESUME" written on them. What seperates each sheet is their color. One white, one black, and one yellow. You may have guessed it, but these pieces of paper symbolize a resume from a white, black, and asian person. What I would like to talk about is affirmitave action, more so related to the workplace.

In a nut shell, our country decided it was necassary to find another way to put a foot down on racial discrimination, and this time they took it to the workplace. How does one do this you ask? Well by broadening the color spectrum. Employing the person that does the job well is so outdated, diversity is in. They also say a happy workplace makes a more productive workplace, and what better way to turn those frowns upside down, than by adding some color (because culture has nothing to do with ethnicity)? It's a fault proof plan, since a smart, hard-working workplace makes us really sad, right? Well here are my thoughts on affirmative action:

This is your workplace.


This is your workplace on affirmitave action.


(MS Paint is awesome)

In my first picture everyone is white, which I'm not implying all workers should be white, but what I am implying is companies are actually going out of there way to make sure the white to minority ratio reaches somewhat of an equilibrium.

Disregard the fact this should apply outside the workplace as well, but I don't care what ethnicity you are, as long as you get the job done, and done well. Who honestly thinks, "Man I'm sure glad my company hires a more diverse workforce, rather than the best workers. They sure know how to be productive." If I was working for that company, I'd be putting my two weeks in ASAP, because I'd think I was working for morons. Much like the "Blame Model," described by Marion Young in her essay "From Guilt to Solidarity: Sweatshops and Political Responsibility," affirmative action works backwards than forward. We want to push forward, and perceive people only as people, but affirmative action takes that goal and pulls a 180 on it, giving people labels such as black, white, and asian.